pointing the other four fingers back at myself

have to say that i’m beginning to understand that everything and everyone who i become involved with, is a learning experience introducing something to me about myself … a new challenge and adventure in the quest for awareness, peace of mind and happiness.

Hello world!

Hi Saudia and Melissa,

I already have bookmarked the luminosity site, and googled re: learning Japanese and found this site, http://www.tofugu.com/ which then exposed me to this site http://www.livestation.com which they mentioned only with respect to learning Japanese via watching Japanese TV….but i hadn’t even been familiar with it nor aware that i could have watched various broadcasts in the States … live.

So, Saudia had a delightful show, and throughout the evening of socializing and becoming slightly intoxicated and then having lots of dreams (as i typically do anyway) ….i somehow am now pulling myself out of the literal complete expulsion of emotions and thoughts that occurred after i went home Friday night  – in which i wrote and read and edited and reread in horrifying detail all of the ways that my boyfriend flirted with this girl as i sat there limply and obediently letting him have his session with her for about 2 hours in front of my face….and then after discussing this with my sister and her husband yesterday, that last weekend, and my whole relationship … something has once again magically happened after that catharsis and purging of my own self loathing.  I’ve realized how much i have allowed myself to be diminished and criticized over the last year(s).

i now want to extricate him from my vocabulary, rather, let go of my compulsive recycling of painful thoughts, and instead start rewiring my brain!  it started this morning with a positive dream, then imagining myself taking in my power and actually having the audacity to not only hope, but believe and envision myself putting my creative talents out to the public and having success, traveling, making money, enjoying what I’m doing and people enjoying what they’re receiving…and all i want to do is to keep building these new connections: thoughts are absolutely loaded with energy and power, and i want to just keep seeing things freshly, new concepts, old ideas with a new perspective, and keep reinforcing and building upon them.

I’m about to read and study this further!


i will not recycle nor repeat with him or anyone new – the way that he has offered to show to me how many different ways in one fucking day that i could be replaced, but for myself, to reach for love, inspiration and joy in discovery; and trust in my instincts and in the way that my own cosmic psychic guide (my body, insights, even funny timing that appears to ‘get in the way’ but in fact might be the savior to be a guide in itself.

also, i was able to use ivideo, file:share and convert , to successfully compress my .mov to quicktime, in order to upload it, so “stinky” the wild boar 420 enthusiast video is on my facebook wall!